Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride

The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too.
He'll do anything in his power
To show his love to you.

The perfect man is sweet,
Writing poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.

He has never made you cry
Or hurt you in any way.
Oh, "to hell with this stupid poem,"
"Cause the perfect man is gay!"


:) :) :)

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Sunday Morning Blues

Parag... get up... paani chala jaaega !!

Drat!! Can't even get a nice peaceful nap on a Sunday morning... Mom has to wake me up at 9 am (:O) to send me inside the bathroom... paani chala jaaega?? Damn it !!

That is the one place that I dread a lot... well, not like I am a hydrophobic or anything.. that I would develop a dreadful spasm as I pour water over my sleepy phenotypic self... nor am I averse to keeping myself clean, or a claustrophobic who is fearful of small enclosed spaces.... just that I am pure lazy, on a Sunday morning to enter that 10 x 10 feet enclosure...

The BMC officials should be screwed up royally... Cause they get only Sunday mornings to start their water shortage spree...

As I brush my teeth wearily, I try to open my swollen sleepless eyes cause of last night's Primera Liga matches... Mom has already thrown a fit and has lost it completely... its 9.30 am and I'm still brushing...

24 years old and still behaving like a kid... she tells me... what will you do once you start a family of your own? Your wife would swear on you, and also me for bringing up such a useless chap... Arre mom!! When I get married, there would be two of us lazing around... and then yeah.. we would definitely take a bath... together... hehehe... I smirked thinking about such a Sunday morning... wow... Then I would love to take a bath the whole day long :)

Enough of brushing you good for nothing fellow!! You are brushing your teeth, not scrubbing a basin... get hold of your towel and in the bathroom you go RIGHT NOW!!

Sigh!! Guess the time's up... A man's gotta do what he's gotta do !! Finally, my feet step inside the bathroom (helped by my mom's shove from behind)... Wish I had a Jacuzzi or a plain bath tub in which I could laze around a bit more... just a bit more...

One day, When I would be a great scientist.. I would invent a capsule... You just need to swallow it.. and Bingo!! The effect would be as good as you've taken a bath... all the dead cells of your skin would just shed off, you would be more freshened and alert and even kill all the bacteria and make you smell good...

Speaking about being a scientist, I suddenly thought about the episode in which Dexter (The child prodigy who owns a huge secret lab-- a cartoon of course!) who faced a similar problem like me, laminates himself so that he wouldn't have to take a bath or wash his hands often...

Great minds think alike, don't they?? ;)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Mistake

Ravi had been through a really tough period in his life... A week that he would just like to forget... He had broken up with his girl friend of 10 years... he was thrown out of his job for lack of a good performance.... He had decided he had enough of this bullshit, and wanted to start over afresh... and hence he shifted to his friend's unoccupied apartment in Versova, Mumbai... anyways, he was bugged of the old 9 to 5 job in an insurance firm... Writing, was all that interested him the most... 3 years... himself... 3 yrs to write a novel and make it big, he thought, as the Taxi pulled up to the 15 storied building...

He had just taken all the luggage and had entered the lift... the doors were going to shut just when he heard a woman calling out for the lift... as the doors open, Ravi was taken aback by what he saw in front of him... a sultry 20s something girl... twinkling eyes.. long flowing hair... with a smile one would die for... she entered the lift and saw that the number 15 button was already pressed...

"Are u shifting to the vacant flat on the 15th floor?", she asked Ravi...
"Yep... just shifted last night.. had to get a couple of suitcases though..."
"wow.. thats wonderful... even i stay on the same floor... there are only 2 flats per floor.. that makes us next door neighbours!!"

Ravi smiled... He couldn't believe his luck... Only a girl can make the hurt given by another girl go away... he thought... "Yes.. thats wonderful..."

"Im Rhea..."
"Im Ravi"
"Ok... will see you later..."

Ding dong...

Ravi opened the door... there she was... with the same twinkling eyes, her hair blown by the breeze across her face... her smile... her skin... aahhh...

"Hello", she said... "Just got u a mug of coffee... thought your kitchen wouldn't be setup as yet.."
"Oh that was really thoughtful of you... Thanx a million... I owe u one..."
"That you do.. but please return the mug.." she smiled and walked away... Ravi couldn't take her eyes off her posterior... and her smoothed skinned legs...

As the days went by, Ravi and Rhea became close friends... Rhea said she had come from Mussourie to make it big in the film industry but now worked at the call centre by the night... she was quite impressed by Ravi's ambitions and his liking of the authors... They shared the same taste in Music, and Books.. and would chat for hours on end over mugs of Coffee....

One fine evening, Rhea and Ravi were standing at his balcony, enjoying the cool sea breeze...
Ravi really liked Rhea... he was totally possessed by her beauty... the smell of her hair and her skin used to drive him crazy... he craved for the feel of her luscious lips.. he wanted to hold her very close... far too close...

"GET AWAY FROM ME RAVI......." Rhea screamed...
Ravi jolted back to reality... He was holding Rhea by her waist and had tried to kiss her...

"LEAVE ME ALONE... LET ME GO YOU JERK !!!"

"Im sorry Rhea... it.... it just happened... I had no intentions of....."

"I know your intentions very well you arsehole... lemme go... You have disappointed me Ravi... I dont wanna ever speak to you again..."

And she barged out and slammed the door behind her...

Ravi was distraught.. He didn't know what to do... He had really liked Rhea.. not just lustfully, but also emotionally... but his lustful feelings for her had just ruined everything they had in between them...

For the next couple of weeks, Ravi tried to meet Rhea.. but she avoided him completely... Ravi felt dejected... his close friends didn't know what was wrong with him.. He stopped talking to people... and he couldn't get over this tremendous guilt feelings he had developed within himself.. he wanted to apologize to Rhea, but he didn't know how... His life was totally screwed up...

His friends thought he hadn't been over his break-up yet... To cheer him up, they decided to go out partying on Saturday night to the local pub... They boozed heavily... one shots after another... Ravi was drinking away his sorrows and he really felt better... he wanted more.. and more... and so he went... The pub shut at 1 am... and they all went to the nearby dance bar...

Young girls shaking their booties and their busts amidst a pouring rain of currency notes and the booze and the dope made a deadly combination... Ravi had never been on such a high before... Till he saw her... the same eyes... long flowing hair.. the same smile... the same woman he had lusted and loved a couple of weeks ago... for whom he was drinking himself sober again... There she was.. dressed in a red colored churidar, being the centre of all attention.. the queen amongst all the dancers... being showered with scores of 500 Rs bills... and pulled and groped by the customers at will...

Their eyes caught each other... a sense of despair went through Rhea's mind... a dejected look came on her face momentarily... but she suppressed her feelings, and went on with her "Job"...
Ravi's mind blew up!! He felt betrayed... She's a fucking call girl after all... he thought... a bar girl.. dunno how many people had she slept with... The Bitch... she refused me... and I had truly developed so many feelings for her.... and i had made my life so miserable after all that happened...

Ravi was out of his mind.. he wanted to go home as soon as possible... his eyes were blood shot red... he glared at Rhea one final time before he, still being high on alcohol, trudged away... helped by his friends...

It was 4 am when Rhea came to her flat... there he was, sitting on the floor at the door of his flat with a glass of Whiskey in his hands... he wanted answers... and he wanted them now...

Ravi got up to his feet... he accosted Rhea.. Rhea tried to push him away... but he instead shoved Rhea into her flat...

"Ravi... please let me explain... "

"Explain what.. you bitch... how dare u refuse me... and u sleep with all those people ... You slut... Now I'll show you where u belong..."

"Ravi.. wait... ur not in your senses right now.. we'll talk in the morning over this... plz stop....."

Ravi slapped her and shoved her onto the sofa... he pressed his hand over her mouth and ripped apart her clothes... Rhea tried to scream... scream as loud as she could, but Ravi was on a high... he was possessed... he felt betrayed... the bitch is a call girl and she deserved to be raped tonight....

Ravi had forced himself upon her.. and Rhea had finally given away after much struggle.. it was all over after half an hr...

Rhea lay on the sofa the entire night... Ravi felt satisfied.. his ego was satisfied.. he felt at peace... he slept peacefully that night...

Ravi didn't meet Rhea after that... The very next morning, she had already gone... Ravi's life was going to change forever after that...

That night Rhea wanted to tell something... something that would have saved Ravi... Rhea had AIDS... Thats the reason why she hadn't slept with Ravi... she also had the same feelings for Ravi... Rhea died a couple of years after that incident... Ravi had been detected as HIV positive and had entered the fulminant stage of AIDS... he lay on a hospital bed, looking out at the sky... wondering ... What if....



Well guys.. this was one of the stories from the Movie "Dus Kahaniyan"... just was an exercise for me, to try and put a movie into words... hope I did decent enough ;)
Would definitely be trying to write down a short story soon...

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Instructions at an ATM

Just came across this hilarious article while surfing... Thought I should share it with you all... :D

Instructions at an ATM for guys and for girls

Instructions for the guys:

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert Card
3. Enter PIN
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away

Instructions for the Gals:

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions
11. Hit "CANCEL"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Drive 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Batti Bandh !!

It was 15th December... the "Batti Bandh" day... Mumbai was supposed to blacken out for 1 hour from 7.30 in the evening, to save power consumption, to spread awareness against the Global Warming...

It was 7.30 pm, and I promptly lit up the candles for mom... switched off the lights and electrical appliances (except the refrigerator) and went out for a stroll...

The school kids from my building were looking dejected.. They had come in the morning to request us to switch off the lights during that one hour... It seemed that their pleas had fallen on deaf ears..

I walked upto them and asked them whats the matter...

"Bhaiyya, we had requested everyone, but nobody seemed to be interested... they all say that if noone is switching off, why should we... what difference am I gonna make alone.... now what should we do??"

I was with another friend of mine.. my school mate... we decided, it was time for us to take some action, at least for the sake of the efforts the school kids had taken...

We took some sheets of paper, and started visiting everyone's homes... asking them to write down the reasons and sign, stating why aren't they shutting down for an hour... each flat we used a single piece of paper... We were not surprised to see the same reason from all the 15 flats...

"Why should we switch off if everybody else is keeping it on?"

Now came the second part... we again went door-to-door... showing them all the papers from the 15 flats and asked them to comply... the kids were quite enthusiastic in this matter...

Embarrassed, people did finally switch off their appliances... and we had "Batti Bandh" in 10 out of the 15 flats in our building... (The other 5 slammed their doors on our faces!! We thought of cutting down the mains to their flats, but since this was a voluntary effort, we didn't...)
Then, we took a box of candles, and lit them in the entire corridor and the staircase upto the fourth floor and switched off the lights for the same... The kids suggested that one of them should stay at every floor, just in case some elderly person needs help in getting up and down the stairs...

In the end, the program at out place was a success!! And I was pretty satisfied, that in some way, I too was able to contribute towards it...

But I was quite disappointed at the callous and ignorant attitude shown by the Mumbaikars... From our terrace, I could see no change from what I see every evening, and that none of them had taken any efforts towards this awareness campaign... Global Warming, they say, won't be affecting them in any way... They don't realize that it would be their future generations that would be at an enormous loss if we at this moment, don't take any action...

I sincerely laud the efforts taken by the youth of Mumbai in trying to make this campaign a success... I think that even at least 1 hour load shedding in all areas in Mumbai would contribute a great deal towards power saving...

Not again...

Was surfing through the channels when i came across the movie Andaaz Apna Apna being played on a movie channel... and guess what, exactly at the same scene from which I have seen the movie a million times to say the least... the song "Dil karta hai tere paas aau..." was playing, and then later, Raveena hits Aamir on the head which apparently leads to his memory loss...
I don't understand why it has always happened to me, that I have seen the movie from exactly the same scene onwards, each and every time.... It seems like I'll have to buy the VCD/DVD of ythe movie to watch the initial half...

The Closure

It had been one year since our relationship had ended... A relationship which had no name... but still it was the most precious thing... it had left me scarred.. depressed.. dejected... the past one year i had spent with a hollow feeling... a vacuum that existed within me... The things that I once enjoyed were no longer that enjoyable.. and the things that i loathed, I'd embraced them...

There were some unanswered questions.. I won't harass her again, I'd promised... It was a word to be kept until the end.. How can anyone so special can be estranged in a couple of months... How can someone be so hostile after such affection...

One strange night, I got all my answers.. answers that weren't satisfactory... but I didn't mind... I had learnt to forgive and to forget... my restless feelings got assuaged... we shared a few happy moments... moments from the past... about our future... It was a night I wished would never end... We both had been hurt with whatever had happened... things that were beyond our control... things that happened so fast, that before we had realized what had happened, it had broken many a dreams...

But as she rightly said...

"Do you know how crystals are formed?? The whole process takes thousands of years. All the impurities slowly come to the surface, and then get washed away, melt away or chipped away... and all that is left behind is a lovely core of crystal... Thats how memories can be... if the good outweighs the bad..."

I know I have lost someone really special... the one you hope to find throughout your lifetime ... I may not find someone like her again... The crystal of her memories are all that I have with me...
I have no regrets whatsoever... No grudges anymore...

Its easy to let go of someone if you get a proper closure... part in a happy note... no hard feelings, only good wishes of things ahead... I thank her a million for this conversation... this closure, which I was longing for the past one year... I feel whole again... now there are no tears, only smiles... of the past memories and things ahead... You have breathed a new life in me again, just like you had did when we met for the first time.. and now again when we part ways...

Been Rocked like a Hurricane!!

I was going through the newspaper in the evening when my Cell phone buzzed....

"Are You going for the Scorpions concert?" That was AM's SMS.

Wtf?? I thought they were playing in Shillong...

"Na... they are playing tomorrow at the MMRDA... didnt u know that?"

A frantic search thru the net, and I got the details... The Scorpions are really playing in Mumbai... Brilliant! Sadly, the tickets were out of stock at the CCD outlets, and hence i had to count on them being available at the venue, which they thankfully were...

It was a sad thing to notice that there were more volunteers than fans who have come to see the concert.. where as the Shakira and Beyonce (bull crap!!!) concerts go packed !! Wth, why am I complaining? No need to stand in a queue... :)

I was joined by Sumeet, and we got inside by 6.30 pm. It was a sorry sight... hardly any crowd in the front section (Rs.1500/-), and people were sitting and lying around lazily... A rock concert venue eh?! We had a quick bite and guzzled down some fluids as I replenished my vitals for the concert... It began at around 7, with the local band Bombay Boys playing a few acoustic numbers... and then the long frustrating wait when we were bombarded with Mind- fucking senseless Hero honda and Radio Mirchi ads!! The crappy hosting by the Channel V VJs just made the matters worse, and chants of "START THE FUCKING SHOW" started to pick up some momentum... The organizers were shrewd enough to start the music and began airing a few Scorpions and other rock numbers which assuaged the restless crowd...


And behold !! at the strike of 8, Klaus, Matthias, Rudolf, Pawel and James barged in with their "Weapons of Mass Destruction" (Read: Guitars) and started strumming with screams, whistles and chants trying to match the 50,000+ watts of pure electrical acoustics... and when Klaus went "Salaam Mumbai" the crowd went berserk....

Initially, they played a few of their songs from their new album, Humanity...

Then Klaus went... "All this time, we just tuning out vocals... Now its ur turn".... and then came the "Holiday"... My system lost it.. I got goose bumps like I have never had, not even when I had my first kiss... And as we all chanted "Let me take you far away...", my senses were already gone far far away...


And then came "Send Me an Angel" and "Always somewhere"... And my vocal cords started working overtime, reaching the amplitude and frequency so high, that Sumeet suffered from a temporary hearing loss!! Then Klaus started throwing autographed drum sticks into the crowd, sadly, none of them came our way... biased as he was, he threw them to the 2 extreme ends, while we were there bang in front in the centre...

In went the acoustic guitars and out again came the WMDs... what followed was an intense Hardcore metal/rock which the Scorpions are famous for... and all the head banging that follwed was interrupted by Some mind blowing strumming on the bass by Pawel !! He was ammmmmmazing to say the least... and to make the things exciting, he got the crowd involved too... And then came the jamming session between Matthias and Rudolf...


What followed was easily the best performance of the night... the solo on the drums by James... as he ripped apart his tee, stood up and played on the drums with his feet, guzzled down cans of beer and sprayed it in the air like the Triple-H and the crowd went mad with he hit the strings of the electric guitar with his drums sticks....

Then they played the "Humanity" number from their recent album... and after a quick farewell, disappeared backstage...

The crowd went restless... it was 9.30 pm and they still haven't played their famous numbers...
It was a gimmick, I thought... chants of "We want more" grew... and yo!! Out they came...

"We are a thousand miles away from home... and Still Loving you Mumbai......."

Fucking brilliant Music followed... my insanity levels reached their peaks...

Still Loving you... and then came their anthem "Wind of Change" which they sang with the crowd.... And this time, they started throwing their picks and some more drum sticks... they came at the centre stage together for the final farewell... we weren't satisfied... we wanted more.. and so we screamed our lungs out...

"You want more?? Ok... more you'll get..."

And then came "When the Smoke is Going Down"...

"And before we leave... we wanna make sure, we really did Rock you like a Hurricane..."

Whoppie... there came the one ppl were waiting for...
"Here I am... rock u like a hurricaaaaaaaaaaneeeeeeeeee...."

And then they went... And there I was.. totally famished... exhausted.. run out of air...
Parched throat... sore vocal cords... jammed stapes... and stiff paraspinal cervical muscles !!

Sumeet and me stopped at the Thai restaurant at lokhandwalla and ate hot and delicious Red chicken curry and rice in the cold December night, still not over with the euphoria of the concert...

It was easily the best concert that I had attended so far.. even better than the Bryan Adams, the Aerosmith, and the Pink Floyd one!!

Was a bit disappointed that they didn't play "No one like you"and "You and I" ... but over all.. it was Full Paisa wasool !!

Still Loving you scorpions... cuz u rocked me like a Hurricane !! :D

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Long Time No See!!!

Well, I guess that's what my blog page must be telling me as i sign into it after a hiatus of.... err... 3 months or so?? Well, just that I had been too lazy enough to blog down each and every bit of a million things that have been happening in my life since then...

lets see...

Made the major career move... joined in actrec as a research fellow... shifted to Kharghar temporarily...
bought a new cam.. a panasonic fz8... great cam.. havent tried it much though!!
Fell ill a couple of times... and it was bad...
started living a loner's life... started missing home made food... not for long though! ;)
Took the fag... as Gum ka saathi Rum, Akelepan ka saathi Dum !! Not an addict though :P
Really missed watching the movies... suffered from major withdrawal symptoms of not being able to watch movies for 30 Rs at Movietime (10 am shows!!) -- Read: An acute and insatiable desire to have popcorn and thumbs up at 11 am !! :O
Took to guitaring... just a few lessons and I was on top of the world!!
Took to jogging... I dont believe I actually used to jog approx 5kms everyday... not since the past 2 weeks that I have been home...
Used my brains... lol... Research really needs it you see!! Had to perform a major sweeping operation inside the skull... loads of corners still need to be cleaned up.. :)
Stopped trekking!!! :( :( Not for long though... have found many new pals at ACTREC having similar interests... Dec treks are on.. still, after 8 consecutive sunday outings in June-July-Aug has really given me the blues...
Applications!! Oh.. that should had been the first thing on the list... mera future ispe depend karta hai yaar!! since the past 2 weeks im running around the doors of various departmental offices of my college for LORs, Transcripts, attestations etc... Just been to Nashik yesterday and back for the attestation stuff... Thanx to the typical GSite trait of procrastinating till the very end... Finally its gonna get over (Fingers crossed) by this coming Monday...
Realized that all the Government/BMC officials are real jackasses and whores!! Even though You are swearing on their mothers in ur brains, you are licking their arses and calling a chapraasi "Sir" !!! :O
But that has its own benefit u see... yesterday calling the security official "SIR" at the MUHS gate got me a free ride of about 40 kms in an AC Scorpio from the university till Nashik station... and saved me precious time and hundreds of bucks!! As my friend Nishant says, You are not going to see his face ever in ur life, and if your work is getting done, whats the harm?? Get rid of your fucking ego!!

I have taken to watching plays... dunno why.. but just... they are more appealing to me that crappy movies screened in the theatres...
Been addicted to Facebook and ... Scrabble!! I remember the first time I'd beaten dearest Amrita (a pro) at a game , sitting in that Java Grind cafe, that led to events that really turned my life over the past year or so...
Havent spent so much time with my friends ever in the past 6-7 years that I have done in the past 3 months... Swajit, Amit, Rahul and others from the broken down "Falcons" have been amazing friends and company... I'm actually enjoying being single now... Thanx Swajit for all the fag-outs and the crappy movies for which u have been with me...

Being single... hmmm... I have been without a date for 7 freaking months!!!!! :O
Last date sometime in April... well just that I cant find the right girl... or the right girl doesnt find me good enough ! ;) Well, I guess Im just waiting for a person like me... but I think Swajit is right in saying that I should take my chances and date the wrong person!! I mean, not from the wrong sex...


Yippee!! Im off cricket (one day) for good!! Not cuz of T20 (That is a piece of shit... cant even call it cricket... its a joke)... cuz of my kharghar place that doesnt have tv... :D
Sadly and unfortunately, for the same reason Im missing out on Football and Champions league action !! :(

I have started cooking... and getting up early... trying to adapt myself to the new lifestyle that awaits me next year!! (Fingers crossed again)

I have shed a few kilos... again thanx to Kharghar :) Its good to feel fit again...

Wow!! I have suddenly realized that as I am typing this blog, it has been exactly one year since I had broken up!! Yes... the blues still strike me!!... *sob sob*... ok... washed away!! :D